Happiness alone; musings from an extroverted introvert

Check it out! My first non-fitness related blog! 🤓

Nor is this is a methodically researched paper with psychological and scientific terminology. This is me, being my authentic self, yet again, because I like to think I can share my truth without judgement. But this time, it's about a topic that has a strong stigma associated with it- that if you're alone/single then you aren't really happy. <<<insert eye roll>>> 🙄🙄

The connotation that you are only really wholesomely happy if you are with a significant other, grinds my gears.... simply because of how untrue I think it is. I'm no professional clinical psychologist but I don't think I have to be to confidently say that as a single woman in her 30's, being in a relationship isn't the ultimate measure of what constitutes happiness. Happiness is relative and of course depends on your personality, and for me, I actually find my happiness from alone time. That is not to say I will not be happy with a partner, or being with friends, but speaking from experience, of being single and dating, trying to harmoniously balance work and social life, I get EXTREMELY frustrated, when people (who are clearly close minded) automatically assume that I'm unhappy because I am *still* single/alone. Then again, there are many cultural and religious gaps when it comes to the expectations related to dating and marriage and at what age it should happen etc... but that's for another blog post...

Back to being happy and alone...

Yes. It's possible and important.

Once my social energies, which I've exuded mostly for work purposes, have withered away, I turn into a recluse who basks in the tranquility of alone time. After being gassed from too much 'socializing', of being constantly 'ON' and projecting positive and energetic vibes, I need the time to recharge in silence and often times, that means being alone.

Finding comfort with myself, by myself.

Apparently 'they' (I don't know who they are) call this being an AMBIVERT >>> A combination of both an introvert and extrovert.

➤ I like people, but I also need to be alone.

➤ I'll go out and be social, but it has an expiration; I need to recharge

➤ If I don't find the valuable alone time that I need to recharge I can't be my highest and best self which is what I need to do my job to the best of my abilities. So often times, when my close friends reach out and ask if I want a visitor, or want to meet for a drink, or go to a social event, I might reply with "I'm not really feeling it" - but not because I don't want to, but because emotionally, physically and mentally I just can't. It shouldn't be taken personally, obviously.

The purpose of my alone time is regroup, refocus and regenerate. It's important to note though, there is a difference between being 'alone' and being 'lonely'. I enjoy being alone but being lonely, that's another story... I don't think anyone enjoys being lonely. It's also interesting because I can be out socializing, and if I'm not in a group of close friends, it can still feel lonely. There is limited social energy available for me to give, when it's outside my work, so I generally prefer 1:1 or smaller group social events and it's for this reason why I can only afford to spend my social time and energy with people whom I truly feel connected to. And when I am being my reclusive self, when I need to restore my energy, I am not lonely. Being surrounded by the wrong people, that can be lonely.

I've heard also people in relationships- still feeling lonely. So there is just one example of why being with a significant other doesn't mean it automatically translates into happiness. I've always believed that happiness comes from within, as corny as that may sound, one must be confident and happy with themselves, by themselves, before they are able to be in a healthy relationship. Then again, what do I know about relationships 🙈🙊

As a personal trainer...

I do have a love-hate relationship with people <GASP!> But how can I if I work with people all the time?? That's the thing. As an extroverted introvert, I can thrive socially and be the energetic and outgoing person I am, until I am just drained and have had enough. I think that being both social and reserved works in my favour because I work with a myriad of personality types and must be able to adapt. I'm mostly calm and you won't find me yelling at my clients, BUT, if my client feeds off that loud verbal energy, you bet your ass I'm all in, cheering loudly and throwing out high fives. Equally, if my client needs less of that vivacious loudness, I can surely take a step back and quietly observe and stare as my client works out.

Regardless, I am malleable and can blend well with the many varying personalities of my clients - but I am also constantly learning how to embrace my contradicting traits. It's not easy. I pride myself on giving my clients every single ounce of my energy in the weight room, through my instruction, motivation and guidance but by night, I just don't have it in me to provide those in my life with that same zest... YOU SEE WHERE THE STRUGGLE IS? 😳

While my personality may come off as totally unconventional, this is me. I treasure my alone time because of how wholeheartedly I dive into my passion but it only makes sense that I need the time to reboot. And yes, I'm still happy spending that alone time. I embrace the extroverted me during my sessions and around my clients, but I delve into my introversion at home. I definitely need to work on my socializing, but it's a work in progress... hey, no one is perfect, but that's what makes us human. So you keep on doing you, and I'll keep doing me so long as no one gets hurt in the process. ☺️